Anxiety or Insecurity
These reactions arise when a Child’s needs are not addressed by the comforting presence of a True Adult. Lacking that presence, a Little Adult takes over, anxious and fearful that things won’t work out in a positive way.
Compulsions
These are reactive feelings of anxiety which manifest as musts rather than choices. We feel required to say or do something in an attempt to quell anxiety in the absence of a True Adult. The expression of these feelings is what we call compulsive behavior.
For example, one might feel compelled—often unconsciously—to talk, move, or eat in an unnaturally quick manner. Or perhaps one feels an intense impulse—an anxious need—to make a case for his or her point of view when in conflict with someone. Rather than moved by the flow of guidance from one’s Child of the Infinite, one who is acting out a compulsion doesn’t move in harmony with others, or do what’s in his or her best interest. He or she is out of relationship within, and thus with others.
Compulsions can also manifest as addictive behaviors: gambling, shopping, alcohol and drug abuse, non-intimate sex, excessive TV watching. Even positive activities like reading can become a compulsion. It’s all about the motivation behind the behavior rather than the behavior itself.
Aggressive Communication
This includes reacting to others by talking over or interrupting them as well as speaking rapidly, loudly, or excessively. These reactive communication styles are demonstrated when a Little Adult avoids the anxiety or other uncomfortable feelings of a Posttraumatic Childhood Moment (PTCM), and tries to control the conversation to prevent feeling thrown off balance.
Judgment or Criticism
A Little Adult feels the need to create a sense of superiority over others out of fear of not being good enough. This includes comparing oneself—as better or worse—to others.
Tunnel Vision
A Little Adult insists that the only valid viewpoint is his or her own. A Little Adult tries to avoid being exposed as wrong or incompetent or as not knowing what he or she is talking about. Little Adults hold fast to their point of view because being open to another person’s point of view feels too risky to their tenuous sense of self. This is an attempt to remain in control and appear confident when they are not.
Defensiveness
A Little Adult lives in a “me-against-them” world, feeling potentially cornered, or backed up against the wall. Little Adults experiencing a PTCM believe they are being attacked, dominated, made wrong, judged or criticized, and may perhaps feel powerless to stand up for themselves. Such a perceived threat triggers a Little Adult into protective mode.
LITTLE ADULT REACTIONS AT A GLANCE
You know your Little Adult is triggered when you are:
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Reacting automatically to people or situations
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Rigid and closed off; resistant to change
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Aggressive or defensive
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Biased or opinionated
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Invalidating of others
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Judgmental or critical of others or self
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Controlling, dominating, or needing to be right
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Blaming or shaming of self or others
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Anxious and nervous about outcomes
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Feeling self-pity and victimization
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Fearful
I recommend that you print out this list and carry it with you to assist you in discovering how often your “programs” throw you out of alignment, putting unnecessary stress and strain on your Little Adult and your body. Such awareness empowers you as a True Adult to use the I AM tools to bring you into alignment while maturing and evolving your Ultimate Relationship.
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